Techie Humour

[Melbosa]

Tech support:  What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer:  A white one...



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Customer:  Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Tech support:  Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer:  Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Tech support:  That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer:  No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....



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Tech support:  Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer:  Your left or my left?



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Tech support:  Good day.How may I help you?

Male customer:  Hello... I can't print.

Tech support:  Would you click on "start" for me and...

Customer:  Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, dammit!



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Customer:  Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'.  I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...



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Customer:  I have problems printing in red...

Tech support:  Do you have a color printer?

Customer:  Aaaah....................thank you.



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Tech support:  What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer:  A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.



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Customer:  My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support:  Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer:  No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support:  Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer:  OK

Tech support:  Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer:  Yes

Tech support:  That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer:  Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...



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Tech support:  Your password is the small letter ?a? as in apple, a capital letter ?V? as in Victor, the number ?7?

Customer:  Is that 7 in capital letters?



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Customer:  I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support:  Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer:  Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support:  Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer:  Five stars.



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Tech support:  What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer:  Netscape.

Tech support:  That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer:  Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.



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Customer:   I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.



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Tech support:  How may I help you?

Customer:  I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support:  OK,  and what seems to be the problem?

Customer:  Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?



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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support:  Are you running it under windows?

Customer:  "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."



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And last, but not least...



Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer:  I don't have a P.

Tech support:  On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer:  What do you mean?

Tech support:  "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer:  I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!