The English Language - WTF?

[Darren Dirt]

I got this at the tail end of some marketing e-newsletter or something. It's actually pretty funny and/or true:



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The English Language. Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?. Let's face it. English is a crazy language. There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger. And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England. French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English for granted But if we examine its paradoxes we find that Quicksand takes you down slowly, Boxing rings are square. And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. If the plural of tooth is teeth. Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth, If the teacher taught, Why didn't the preacher praught. If a vegetarian eats vegetables. What the does a humanitarian eat? Why do people recite at a play, Yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and Drive on parkways. You have to marvel at the unique lunacy. Of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down. And in which you fill in a form by filling it out. And a bell is only heard once it goes! English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn't a race at all) That is why when the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible, and why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts, but when I wind up this observation, it ends.

[Tonnica]

Saw this a while ago and it still gives me a laugh.



Thanks to modern technology and special effects we can make the very anachronyms of English into staggering, tangible form. Come with me, won't you on a journey of literality made literal?



Egg in the eggplant - it may not be common but there can be eggplant in the egg!



Ham in the hamburger - that sounds pretty tasty! Though in this case it would be easiest to substitute in for on.



English muffins - slather them with ungodly amounts of butter and jam and serve them at teatime. No man would dare question the englishness of those muffins!



French fries - three simple words: just add mayo.



"how come fingers don't fing"

They do nowadays in film and TV. You can hear fingers fing especially when you're watching Hercules or Xena reruns.



Other examples may include events like driving up on the alley down (like that scene from The Transporter 2).

[Darren Dirt]

Thanks to modern technology and special effects we can make the very anachronyms of English into staggering, tangible form.

Did anyone else suddenly have the wedding scene from Napoleon Dynamite playing out in your mind, when Kip sings to Lafawnduh ("We met in a chatroom, now our love can fully bloom... Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make my salivate... I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But I STILL love technology... Always and forever...")? No? Nobody else? Just me? Okay, thought so, whatelseisnew.