regrets of the dying: "don't be a cog"

Mr. Analog · November 28, 2012, 05:39:16 PM

Quote from: Darren Dirt on November 28, 2012, 05:33:02 PMps: I hope from an outsider POV that you guys haven't noticed a signficant decrease in light-hearted posts in the forum by the D-man... to me that would be a sign that maybe I am indeed getting "down" gradually in response to this current area of my life I'm not completely satisfied with.

That's actually pretty much what I'm trying to tell you.

I've known three Darren's since CST:
-Happy Darren who likes Thinking about Stuff and wants to do Interesting Things
-Sad Darren who was going through metric @%&#tons (not to be confused with imperial @%&#tuns) of Life Stuff that no one should have to Go Through
-Denial Darren who is self-deprecating and semi-consciously focusing on the Negative and placing Limitations on himself that aren't there (not the Darren I know anyway)

Just my two cents, I'm not the most observant person (well, unless it's boobs)

Thorin · November 28, 2012, 05:50:58 PM

NSB used to claim that ravine right behind your house as entirely their territory for bush parties or whatever they wanted to do back in the early 90s, Mr. A. And I don't remember doing much to help you out of that funk, other than commiserating with what a horrible place it was to work at and how we should move on.

I think the trick is to always keep one eye open for new possibilities, new jobs being advertised. That way when you start getting bored of the current job you know what's being sought after and you know who to talk to.

Quote from: Mr. Analog on November 28, 2012, 05:39:16 PM
Just my two cents, I'm not the most observant person (well, unless it's boobs)

True story: When I first met Mr. A. he told me he was blind, but I couldn't tell if his tone was serious or if he was pulling my leg (still looking at a monitor all day, after all). Then he told me his condition, I looked it up, and then understood it. So a couple of days later we're at HMV lookin for music and a lady walks in with a large pair of breasts. She was on the far end of the store. He definitely saw them.

Oh, and Darren, if you're happy, why do you keep posting about what to do to get / be happy? I think that's what's confusing us.

Mr. Analog · November 28, 2012, 06:02:40 PM

Occasionally they still send the Fun Patrol down there but from what I gather things are fairly different in the ravine. The only problem we had for a while was drug dealers in the construction sites.

As for help, yeah, let's just say if I was listening to other people I would have stuck in longer (and who knows what kind of damage I would have done to myself had that gone on). Leaving was tough but as soon as I was out well, I've said it before but you sometimes know you're in a circus but you don't see how big the tent is until you're outside it...

And to be fair, those were pretty big boobs in a red top... if it had been green/blue I probably wouldn't have noticed hahah

Darren Dirt · November 28, 2012, 06:22:28 PM

Thought provoking thread is thought provoking.

Sincerely,
Darren 'always trying to figure things out, never enough, never satisfied... maybe never trusting that good times will last?' Dirt.

Mr. Analog · November 28, 2012, 06:36:35 PM

They will man, they will...

Darren Dirt · December 28, 2012, 02:54:58 PM

Quote from: Thorin on November 28, 2012, 05:50:58 PM
Oh, and Darren, if you're happy, why do you keep posting about what to do to get / be happy? I think that's what's confusing us.

5 years ago I posted a thread in this forum, psychologist says "happiness can be downright depressing".
Not earlier this year. *5* years ago.
http://forums.righteouswrath.com/index.php/topic,5065.msg68288.html#msg68288

huh.

Mr. Analog · December 28, 2012, 07:49:26 PM

I'm sorry this is still on your mind.

The frequency of such posts was more noticeable this year I guess.

Then again the frequency of ALL posts was noticeable this year.

Which is good, I can only speak for myself when I say that I'm a lot less stressed out which usually means I have time to think and post and whatever.

Thorin · December 29, 2012, 01:46:14 AM

Well, there were a lot of Minecraft posts. A year later, some of us are still playing it. That sure helped the post count. Even without the Minecraft posts, though, there were still a decent number of new threads started on here, especially given how much of the "check out this article" posts have moved to Twitter and/or Facebook.

Quote from: Darren Dirt on December 28, 2012, 02:54:58 PM
Quote from: Thorin on November 28, 2012, 05:50:58 PM
Oh, and Darren, if you're happy, why do you keep posting about what to do to get / be happy? I think that's what's confusing us.

5 years ago I posted a thread in this forum, psychologist says "happiness can be downright depressing".
Not earlier this year. *5* years ago.
http://forums.righteouswrath.com/index.php/topic,5065.msg68288.html#msg68288

huh.

I'm confused. Are you implying you were happy five years ago, or that you haven't been happy for five years, or that you were happy five years ago but now aren't, or that you were not happy five years ago but now are, or that you don't want to be happy because happiness is depressing, or that you're happy but you're depressed because of it?

Sorry, I see you pointing out thing A (the quote) and thing B (the old thread) but I don't know what implication I'm supposed to infer from you pointing out those two things.

Darren Dirt · December 29, 2012, 10:28:09 AM

idk

Darren Dirt · December 31, 2012, 08:40:46 AM

it just seems like stuff like this...
http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/12/train-brain-happy/
...has always been both intellectually stimulating (to my "rational mind") as well as hope-inspiring (to my "emotional mind"). Some tough challenges this past week have helped me realize that there's definitely some core crap that's behind this drive on the issue of happiness, not just feeling* happy, but truly BEING happy and having the "feeling" being a natural result.

Fun getting old and no longer willing to settle for a satisfactory life, but wanting to reach out to a truly abundant one...

*although apparently the "feeling" can be "bought" -- with money (being spent in a certain way) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSIkdWxotKw

Mr. Analog · December 31, 2012, 09:33:38 AM

I've come to realize that there are a lot of emotions floating around all the time... one thing I have a real problem with is fretting about them.

I remember being younger and not giving a crap at all, it was more direct input I guess (like test anxiety or the rush of beating a video game), fear/love/hate I didn't think about them they just were. I can't shut my brain down lately though and just enjoy things directly, stuff gets in my brain and I start thinking about it, can't stop. Then I worry that I can't stop, then I worry that I worry about not stopping...

Bleh, even with stuff like "brain training" (not sure if there's a word for it?) I know at first it would probably work because I'd be concentrating on having it work, but then the placebo effect dies when, inevitably, I realize I'm trying to game myself.

All I know is that I feel much better when I'm focused on something, it's not that I'm ignoring emotions but when I'm focused I seem to be able to just experience them rather than analyze them.

That said I'm going to do some exercise, maybe if I focus on some sit-ups I'll forget about all the bees buzzing in my brain

(just havin' a wee panic attack this morning sorry if I'm rambling)