Announcing the engagement of Ustauk and HoneyBunny!

[Shayne]

OHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!  B*tch !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like that even better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "The B*tch" HoneyBunny !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is fabulous.   :-D

Guess you missed the part, even though its quoted, about it not being directed at you directly.  I suppose i could have been more political and put in "wife/girlfriend/fiancé/boyfriend/lover/slave/etc".  I preferred the rhyme though.  I think you're dwelling on the verbiage and not the point though.

Oh my god - Your a real ganster!!! Cool!!! How's that working for you?

Suburban Gangster and it works out sorta well sometimes.

Quote : Why do people with closed minds, have such open mouths???

I think thats the general feeling of Thorin and myself are sharing.

[Mags]

Congrats you two. My only advise is to remember that love is all you really need, the rest you can't take with you when you die.

[HoneyBunny]

   me no speaky englis, maser Thorin. 

[HoneyBunny]

Congrats you two. My only advise is to remember that love is all you really need, the rest you can't take with you when you die.

Here's a big kiss out there to you from us.  We thank you for your great advice. Our thoughts exactly. 

Love and kisses - HoneyBunny and Ustauk. 

[Thorin]

me no speaky englis, maser Thorin

Read the posts better, Shayne was complaining about your incorrect spelling, not me.  I'm complaining about the childishness in your posts and how stupid it makes Ustauk look.

[HoneyBunny]

Quote : Why do people with closed minds, have such open mouths???

I think thats the general feeling of Thorin and myself are sharing.

  I may have a closed mind to certain injustices pertaining to my life and my mouth is open - yes; but it is filled with something hot and warm and                  it's not hot air. 

Talk to you later - right now I'm a little full.  HoneyBunny. 

[Melbosa]

Alright, Admin time again.

Thread is getting heated, and would hate to have to close an announcement thread.

Also I urge everyone to review their own posts, compare it to the rules of the forum, and see how close they are getting to (if at all) breaching of those rules.  PMs will be going out as warnings.

[Mr. Analog]

I'm done with this bull@%&#, see you in the funny pages...

[Thorin]

Okay...

All who have any advice, please feel free to respond.

So I did, part of which was

Don't burn your friendships.  A relationship will not persist if you only have each other as friends; "Us Against The World" always fails.  If your only friend is your spouse and you need to vent about something your spouse has done, who do you vent to?
[..]
That's all pretty vague and broad-sweeping advice; hopefully it's useful to you.  Congratulations and best of luck!

At this point, I'm simply offering up advice based on life lessons that I've learned and that I've seen others learn the hard way.  Regardless of what may have been said in other threads, this was a general statement, not a specific one.  Then you say

If putting my HoneyBunny in front of my friendships "burns" them, so be it. [..] You'll just have to deal with it.

to which I say

If you didn't want our advice, you shouldn't have asked for it!

Your response?

Is there something wrong with me putting my fiancee above all in this world?

Now, based on your previous reaction to my initial chunk of advice, I gotta ask...  Do you actually want to know my answer to that question, or is your mind closed off to advice that may actually strengthen your relationship?

Because as much as I don't like her and what she's doing to your life and personality I can tell that you do like her and what she's doing to your life and personality (or at least are willing to put up with it); all of the pieces of advice I wrote up in my first post in this thread were carefully thought out to hopefully help you two avoid the mistakes I've seen other couples make.

[Darren Dirt]

Nice of you to put into words what we've been noticing for six months, that you will burn your friendships for your girl.

You've noticed that too?  Its a damn shame.  I made that same mistake when I first started dating Alyson and it put a real strain on friendships of those close to me.  Tossing away lifetime friends is a very big mistake, who can you count on for help when their is no-one else around?

^ What they said.

But also, congratulations, in the sense of "glad to hear that you guys are happy together" but I would highly recommend taking it "slow" just because nowadays the "benefits" of actual "legal marriage" are so small compared to the downsides, if you are not 100% sure of who the hell you yourself are before you get attached "till death" with someone else who also may not know who the hell they are.

I'm reading up on NLP this week, it makes me realize how little most people know about how their own minds work, how their thoughts and feelings and actions come about and how/why they can (or can't) change them at will.

If I had taken on this set of tools of personal awareness and communication etc. in my high school years, my college+ years would have been *very* different.


Okay here it is: I hold no malice towards the -itch (others' word, not mine ) but I care about my friend. My priority is to him, not her. A lot of us essentially "grew up" together at NAIT, and there's a reason we still choose to socialize almost a decade later. We went through something special together, something challenging -- a lot of folks liken it to old war buddies (not to denigrate those who serve in the military).


Anyway, I have noticed a change in Ustauk. Yes, he's more poetic, yes he's happy to be -- and happy to announce that he is -- getting laid regularly. Yes, he's going through some new, maturing processes that are certainly necessary as his teenage years are well into his past.

But take it from me -- and apparently Shayne as well (ps: welcome back ) -- it is VERY easy for one to lose oneself when the Infatuation Stage of a romantic relationship in full swing.

And years later, you might wonder how the hell you lost your true self so fast.

I know Ustauk is "happy" right now, just as I was very happy (in all ways I was aware of at the time) the first 9 months or so of sharing every waking moment with my "soulmate". During that time the "old me" simply shut off, he died, he deserted everything from his past -- values, friends, even passions -- and within a year or two after that the repression of those desertions started to surface.

Only I didn't know it at the time. It came forth in unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship ways. Sabotage. Deception. Denial -- to self and to her -- that just amplified the guilt, the self-hatred, the resentment toward her.

All of that could have been avoided if before getting fully "committed" I had known some pretty basic things about Life. About what each individual needs to know about themselves and the world and the way people interact -- how they do, and how they should if they were fully informed about a lot of things that most people don't even know they know until decades later -- and all sorts of things like that which enable a person to be fully real, fully able to share a life with another.

But before that point, I think in a way you both might be selling yourself short, might be robbing yourself of the opportunity of a fully satisfying relationship that is not stifling or destructive... Not to say that is the way it is now -- despite what others here seem to be saying -- just saying a lot of the surface stuff reminds me a LOT of what I would have seen in my own experience, if I was more aware (or if I had a video camera floating over my head for a handful of years which footage I wish I could now review with truly opened eyes).

There, I've said it. Hope this didn't confuse, nor offend. But if so, I'm willing to engage in semi-rational discussion to explain further ...

PS: there's a reason so many "love songs" and the entire "emo" genre of music are popular... cuz so many people fully immerse themselves into another person, that they truly lose themselves, and once that relationship ends -- or even when the Infatuation embers aren't glowing so bright -- it is devestating, often in ways and to a degree that they deny to themselves for possibly years, often having that pain surface in unexpected, maybe even self-destructive ways. Or, they even take that final tragic step, ending their life itself by gun or blade or rope or pills, which one of my friends did in high school and it was all over an exploitive, emotionally-manipulate steady girlfriend who eventually got tired of him before he got tired of her. What a waste, what a damn shame.

Don't want something like that to happen to my friend, Ustauk.

There, I've said it. Considering it's almost 2am, I hope it makes even 50% of the sense that I am convincing myself that it does right now as I click Submit...