5 Jobs You Wanted as a Kid (And Why They Suck)

[Darren Dirt]

Why Kids Think It's Cool:

If you have to ask, there is something wrong with you. Let us put it this way: OHMYGODYOUGETTOCARRYAGUN. Kids think that guns are the coolest thing ever. When you have a gun it means that you don't have to clean your room until you're goddamn good and ready, and anyone will trade you their Hostess cupcake for your carrots.

As for the job itself, that seems pretty cool too, when you keep in mind that a five-year-old doesn't have such a solid grasp of the American judicial system. As far as they can tell, cops arrest people who piss them off, which is appealing, because kids tend to have a lot of grudges. Maybe a couple years of solitary confinement will make Sally Johnson rethink not inviting you to her birthday party...

I love Cracked, often its irreverency is like Maddox meets The Onion, sorta.





and wow, apparentlly even wealth, fame, power, etc. aren't all the joy they appear to promise you... David Wong, thank you for crushing my dreams and keeping me centered and in my "place" ... could be "worse", I could have lamentations of the degree of "Bender_Is_Great":

This article is right on the money. I have an IQ in the 300s, I am the head of a top secret organization of the most powerful people in the world that secretly controls everything, I wipe my ass with $100 bills, and I was genetically engineered to be the most beautiful, athletic, and physically perfect man who has ever existed. But I'm so miserable, I've killed myself five times.

BUT I KEEP COMING BACK! WHY, GOD? WHY WON'T YOU JUST LET ME DIE?

[Darren Dirt]

a couple of other related lists:

http://www.cracked.com/article_17066_6-dream-jobs-that-would-actually-suck.html

http://www.cracked.com/article_16643_5-most-overrated-jobs-all-time.html

Sincerely,
Darren Dirt,
now sincerely happy with his job.

[Mr. Analog]

Astronaut!