How to Spy on Your Child Online

[Darren Dirt]

...and other "safe internet usage" tips

http://www.parenting.com/kids-internet-safety

[Thorin]

I have to say, that's a terrible headline for that article, as it implies all kinds of secretive spy stuff.  Here's an excerpt from page two, though, which seems to sum up what they're really saying in that article:

"The difference between responsible monitoring and spying is the 'Gotcha' factor," says Nurit Sheinberg, Ed.D., director of research and evaluation at the Mailman Segal Institute for Early Childhood Studies at Nova Southeastern University in Fort Lauderdale, FL. If your kids don't know you'll be monitoring their use and you find something and go "Gotcha!" they'll be shocked and probably resentful, and may start hiding things from you. So once you decide how much and what kind of monitoring you'll do, let them in on it.

Your honesty has its perks: If they know you're watching, their self-monitoring instinct will likely kick in. (Of course, kids are masters at finding ways around parental control -- more on that later.) One of the best things you can do: Put the computer in a central location. There's no better way to keep an eye on things than to be able to wander by and casually say, "Hey, what website is that?"

Yes, you want to trust your kids. But they're kids -- relying on their word may not be enough to keep them safe.

My kids won't have computers in their rooms for several years yet.  And only if they buy and maintain their own machines (on a separately firewalled network).

[Darren Dirt]

I've made sure our family computer is in the middle of the living room, and no logging/spy software is on there but I have convinced my teenage boy that I can "find out" where he's been (a lot more accurately than I, of course, actually can) ... but it ever came down to installing something, yeah I would let the kids know "Daddy is watching you..." instead of going for the guilt-gotcha.

[Lazybones]

Computers in a common open area is one of the oldest and simplest, yet defeatable by kids that stay up later than there parents.


Logging proxy/firewall without physical access is better but defeated if wifi is free and near your home.

You need layers of defence, letting them know you ar watching is probably good up unless they are techies.

[Thorin]

I would say that besides layers of defense, you also need to explain to them why you're trying to curtail their access.

I think back to my formative years behind a computer with a modem, and as much as I probably should have had more oversight it also had a big influence on who I am and what I do today.

I'm a firm believer in telling kids, "No, you can't watch/do that now, but when you're older you will be able to", and "You can't do it now because there are things you don't comprehend yet; for example XYZ".  This takes a lot of explaining and a little bit of balancing, but works much better than simply blocking them from something.

-----

So, have your kids (under ten) ever watched Fred Goes To The Dentist on YouTube?  Besides being annoying, this video also covers topics that are clearly not meant for under-10s, but it was all the rage in grade 3 a couple of months ago.  I don't know what other parents did, but I made sure to explain to my daughters that the things Fred says about his mother are meant as humour but that most adults would be offended by it if they heard it.  I then reminded them that when they're talking about things with their friends they have to be mindful of who's listening and tailor their speech to match the audience.

Or I could have blocked all of YouTube from now until they all move out...

[Lazybones]

Or I could have blocked all of YouTube from now until they all move out...

I was going to dare you to find ten unique videos of substance and value on youtube, but then I figured you would be up all night. By in large YouTube is a useless waste of time. (I wish I could get back the time from watching Fred, not sure I watched the right one I didn't hear anything really that offensive in it.)

[Mr. Analog]

I would say that besides layers of defense, you also need to explain to them why you're trying to curtail their access.

I think back to my formative years behind a computer with a modem, and as much as I probably should have had more oversight it also had a big influence on who I am and what I do today.

I'm a firm believer in telling kids, "No, you can't watch/do that now, but when you're older you will be able to", and "You can't do it now because there are things you don't comprehend yet; for example XYZ".  This takes a lot of explaining and a little bit of balancing, but works much better than simply blocking them from something.

I agree with this approach 100%

I've got a friend (let's call him "Bob") who installed a keylogger on his kids to find out if they were bullying another kid over IM, turns out they were. He dropped the gotcha factor pretty hard on them and afterword had "the talk". I mean every parent has a right to do things their way and to be fair he had a chat to them about internet usage after giving them their own PCs early on. Frustrated that they didn't seem to understand the concepts (and being a fellow geek) he monitored network traffic, sites visited, times of login/activity and the aforementioned keylogger.

Hey says it worked for him, but there's always going to be that nagging doubt that the kids have routed around the monitoring software, right? Not very healthy if you ask me.

[Mr. Analog]

Or I could have blocked all of YouTube from now until they all move out...

I was going to dare you to find ten unique videos of substance and value on youtube, but then I figured you would be up all night. By in large YouTube is a useless waste of time. (I wish I could get back the time from watching Fred, not sure I watched the right one I didn't hear anything really that offensive in it.)

There are a lot of great tutorials and some really cool review "shows" on YouTube, but they are few and far between unfortunately. Still more rewarding than about 90% of television if you ask me though heh!

[Thorin]

Or I could have blocked all of YouTube from now until they all move out...

I was going to dare you to find ten unique videos of substance and value on youtube, but then I figured you would be up all night. By in large YouTube is a useless waste of time. (I wish I could get back the time from watching Fred, not sure I watched the right one I didn't hear anything really that offensive in it.)

Yes, there's a lot of useless filler on YouTube.  Keep in mind, though, that kids are looking for things like, "World's Scariest Police Chases", and they prefer it without the constant interruptions of commercials.

I've found, too, that if you have friends who use YouTube to distribute videos of their babies/toddlers/dogs/whatever to friends, those videos will be useless to you and I but priceless to those who care about said subjects.  So what I might find useful, you might find useless.

[Lazybones]

Or I could have blocked all of YouTube from now until they all move out...

I was going to dare you to find ten unique videos of substance and value on youtube, but then I figured you would be up all night. By in large YouTube is a useless waste of time. (I wish I could get back the time from watching Fred, not sure I watched the right one I didn't hear anything really that offensive in it.)

Yes, there's a lot of useless filler on YouTube.  Keep in mind, though, that kids are looking for things like, "World's Scariest Police Chases", and they prefer it without the constant interruptions of commercials.

I've found, too, that if you have friends who use YouTube to distribute videos of their babies/toddlers/dogs/whatever to friends, those videos will be useless to you and I but priceless to those who care about said subjects.  So what I might find useful, you might find useless.

If you have friends on YouTube you could white list the pages through URL filtering but that is just the network admin in me talking.

[Thorin]

My point was that what you or I might consider completely useless to watch, our kids with all their leisure time and lack of life experience might find wildly fascinating.  Rather than simply cut off a possible source of personal growth and experience, I would make sure that what they're watching is apparent to anyone in the living room or kitchen and if they switch to something that's inappropriate then there's some discussion as to why it's inappropriate.

We do our children a great disservice by completely isolating them from life -when they finally encounter it in its harsh reality, they won't know what do or how to act.  From birth, we have a scant 12 to 16 years to teach them how to interact with the world before they will need to do it on their own without us around.  That 12-to-16 figure depends on how short or long of a leash we tend to keep on our kids.  Some really strict parents might have 18 or 19 years, but eventually every kid grows up.  Some really liberal parents might only have 9 or 10 years.

[Darren Dirt]

kids are looking for things like, "World's Scariest Police Chases", and they prefer it without the constant interruptions of commercials.

Or, they just get bored and do stupid things like this :sigh: (my nephew is staying with us for a while, I'm guessing it was him but then again boredom makes kids do weird things...)